This aborted opening line was found discarded at the limerick factory. Our specialists at the Light Verse Rescue Society (motto: “Double Your Dactyls Before They’re All History”) suspect that it was the Line-One Man’s (please forgive the technical terminology) vacation destination—HawaiÊ»i—that led some overtaxed limerick factorer to abandon an otherwise perfectly serviceable first line. The rescue team also found a list of attributes that were presumably to have been included in what would have been a remarkable limerick indeed.

  • The entire vacation (minus a six-and-a-half-hour layover in Honolulu International Airport) was spent on the Big Island, primarily in Kailua and Waikoloa Beach.
  • Daytrips included a jaunt through Kohala and Hāmākua down to Hilo, a hiking excursion in KÄ«lauea Iki in Volcanoes National Park, and kayaking and snorkeling in Kealakekua Bay.
  • The culmination of the trip was Line-One Man’s sister’s wedding, which Line-One Man himself performed. (To give this limerick some real literary weight, try to work in the fact that he included T.S. Eliot’s “A Dedication to My Wife” as the reading in the ceremony.)
  • The ceremony was held on Hapuna Beach, with flower petals scattered down the aisle to protect the wedding party’s feet from hot sand.
  • The bride and groom both had tears in their eyes; Line-One Man himself almost cried when he heard his sister’s voice break while she recited the ring part of the ceremony.
  • The whole week was amazing, and Line-One Man and his partner both returned home with no sunburn at all—but quite a collection of bug bites.

We are offering prizes (and by “prizes” we mean “esteem with no monetary value but great emotional worth”) to readers who complete the limerick according to factory specifications.

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